


Corrin's Rules (and FAQ)

by Author_Pendragon



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Chapters will just be the previous chapter with more stuff, F/F, F/M, Humor, Lots of Niles, M/M, Multi, Not Serious, Other, Shouldn't be teen really, but I kind of have to due to Niles being Niles
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-06
Updated: 2017-10-06
Packaged: 2019-01-09 00:13:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12264933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Author_Pendragon/pseuds/Author_Pendragon
Summary: Corrin has to regulate his army





	1. Ha. It's updated with a brand new short section!

**Author's Note:**

> This is not supposed to be a serious fic

Corrin’s Rules (and FAQ)

Section 0: General

  * Stop requesting “End of All” at dance parties. Azura cannot comply.
  * “Nohrian Scum” is not a proper greeting.
  * Please don’t call him “Racist Pineapple either”
  * Do not put Lilith in a fishbowl, she will drown.
  * Do not give Lilith fish food, she says it tastes disgusting.
  * Do not soap up Felicia’s dishes right before she takes them out. Not only are they expensive, but they are sharp too.
  * Stop asking Orochi for the lottery numbers.
  * Takumi, please don't with write stories where you kill off members of the Nohrian royal family,
  * Leo, don't write a story just like Takumi’s where you make him an evil monster who tries to murder everybody.
  * Stop screaming “Double Trouble” whenever Felicia and Arthur are in the same room.
  * “Bowzu the Killager” is actually a legitimate nickname. (Good job Mozu!)



Section I: Niles

  * Niles is not allowed to swap the training weapons with Raider weapons.
  * (Applies to Laslow) Please stop calling Flora hot, this causes PTSD.
  * Niles is not allowed to tell the children bedtime stories.
  * After telling Selkie and Velouria that animals don’t wear clothes, Niles is banned from seeing the children.
  * After teaching the children things that they shouldn’t know, the previous rule will now be enforced via restraining order.
  * Please stop asking Elise about her “Romantic Playtime” with Corrin
  * See Rule 4 of Section III
  * Niles, please stop insisting on dressing Leo yourself, we all know the Bi pleasures you’re getting.



Section II: Peri

  * Peri is not allowed to use a knife while cooking. We lost all of our red berries in one hour, and that took forever to clean up.
  * Peri is not allowed to cook. Making fake blood and serving it isn’t even funny.
  * Peri is not allowed to tell bedtime stories. The kids are scarred for life.
  * Reina is not allowed to tell bedtime stories, that wasn’t much better.
  * DON’T ASK HER HOW SHE DYES HER HAIR. *SCREAMS*
  * Her hair is not cotton candy, don’t try to eat it.



Section III: Children (And those at heart)

  * Elise is no longer allowed to use Freeze, Rescue, and Entrap staffs while playing tag
  * Elise is not allowed to use Boots to improve her skills at playing tag
  * Too late, well as punishment, she must deliver messages when asked. She’s the fastest one here.
  * Niles is not allowed to use Elise’s punishment to play his pranks.
  * Kiragi is no longer allowed to place traps. They may be useful, but we’ve spent too much time and money on Setsuna as a byproduct
  * Elise and Selkie will disappear from 8 to 10 every day to play
  * Please stop giving Hayato kid’s menus
  * Please stop directing Hayato to the kid’s table
  * Please stop putting Mechanist Puppets in the kids room
  * Same goes for Benny
  * Azama is banned from preaching “We’re all going to die, so what’s the point?” When a kid asks him to play
  * Parents need to be better examples in front of children, We have kids getting married and having children before being considered adults.
  * Nyx is not a baby.
  * Nor is she “Granny”



Section IV: Camilla (Occasionally Rhajat)

  * Camilla and Rhajat are banned from summoning Einherjar Corrin.
  * Camilla must wear one of Oboro’s fashionable outfits.
  * Beruka and Selena must dress Camilla every day.
  * Jakob is permitted to “Take out the Trash” when he finds Camilla in Corrin’s treehouse.
  * Camilla is banned from giving Corrin the head towel while he isn't looking.
  * Camilla will be restrained while Corrin is bathing.
  * Please stop mentioning Camilla’s “Boob Physics.” We don't care if the developers hired to make the video game based off our lives went a little… overboard.
  * Camilla, if you want to dress that way, go meet with Niles. I want to kill two birds with one stone.
  * Oh my gosh Camilla… we don't need to see your bare belly to know that you're pregnant...



Section V: Shapeshifters

  * Lilith, Selkie, and Kaden don’t need to be walked.
  * Keaton and Velouria DO need to be walked.
  * None of the shapeshifters need leashes.
  * DON’T give them collars either.
  * They don’t need bowls to eat out of UNLESS they insist on eating in animal forms.
  * Keaton and Velouria are banned from eating out of trashcans.
  * Don't give Kaden a grain of rice and expect him to serve you for all eternity.



Section VI: Odin, Selena and Laslow:

  * Selena is banned from calling Caeldori “Mom” or “Cordelia.”
  * Selena is also banned from teasing Caeldori about a nonexistent “Blue Haired Lord.”
  * Please stop trying to convince Odin that random items are special. THAT MEANS YOU, NILES AND ANNA.
  * Laslow needs to stop making tea BEFORE somebody takes up his offer. We are willing to let you use it for your outings, but not for drowning your sorrows.
  * Odin needs to stop buying.



Section VII: Errands:

  * Leo is banned from buying a cartload of tomatoes.
  * Selkie is banned from buying a cartload of toys.
  * Keaton and Velouria are banned from buying CARTLOADS of random junk.
  * Hisame is banned from getting multiple air lift drops full of pickles. We don’t even have enough space to hold them all.
  * Asugi is banned from stealing candy while shopping.
  * Arthur is banned from even thinking about the errands. Don’t even mention them.
  * Kiragi is banned from taking extremely long and dangerous detours.



Section VIII: Triggering Content:

  * Calling Gunter “Grandpapa” or something similar.
  * Giving Gunter “Dad of the Year” merchandise.
  * Giving Mozu a Mother’s day card.
  * Don’t call Shigure “Pocahontas” or “Snow White” or anything related to animals, that's just rude.
  * Giving Flora a lighter (or see Rule 2 of Section I)
  * Pranking Benny, Sakura, and most of all, Ignatius.
  * Giving Arthur a lottery ticket, dice, or a card game.
  * While Subaki HAS been inflicted with Arran Syndrome, please don't rub it in, as this means he's no longer perfect.



Section IIX: Food and the Mess Hall:

  * Effie, there are starving children in Nohr. Enough has been said
  * Felicia is banned from making food.
  * Arthur is banned from THINKING about cooking.
  * Reina SUCKS as a chef.
  * Hisame is not allowed to serve pickled pickles. How do those even work.
  * Hisame is not allowed to give seminars on pickled pickles during war meetings.
  * Blood is not a food ingredient.
  * Keaton and Veloria, don't SERVE dog food as payback.
  * Please don't serve all those lobsters from Ryoma’s gifts WHILE THEY ARE STILL ALIVE.
  * Rhajat, how do you make food that ONLY I FIND GOOD WHILE EVERYBODY ELSE FINDS MEH? I'm honestly impressed.



 

 

Updates:

Only Azura is allowed to use Kaden as a pillow. (Congratulations to both of you :)

Jakob is now married to Subaki. They are PERFECT together.

Effie will now protect me from anybody upset with my puns, please use that frustration as fuel for the fire… Okay, that was another pun… RINKAH IS WORSE, OKAY?

 

 

 

 

 

FAQ:

Niles: Why do Selena, Laslow, and Odin have pet names for each other, are they in a threesome?  
Selena: Oh good lord no, they're both idiots. Those are just our… child names. Its a tradition from where we come from.

Charlotte: Do I get a raise for having a really strong child who fights for us?  
Corrin: No… marry for some other reason than money

Setsuna: Am I a Rabbit?  
Corrin: Um… No.

Niles: Can I use Einherjar to-  
Leo: No  
Corrin: Agreed

Peri: Can I execute Shura to get his magic boots for you?  
Corrin: No  
Peri: Can I instead-  
Corrin: Reclass into a healer? Yes  
Peri: THAT'S NOT WHAT I-  
Sakura: *uses silence staff*

Laslow: Is there any lovely maidens out there willing to share a cup of tea with me?  
Severa: I'll happily take that tea and slam it on your head for you

Selkie: Does somebody want to play?  
Corrin: Yes, let me get Elise.

Arthur: Does anybody require assistance?  
Corrin: Setsuna. I took my eyes off her, she's probably in a trap halfway across the continent.

Hinoka: Can I have a painless trap?  
Yukimara: Of course, Princess Hinoka. Training your retainer?  
Hinoka: Something like that…

Hinoka: Can I have a wedding ring?  
Odin: By the miracle of my shadow-hand, a stone will bond with a metal body.  
Hinoka: Ummm… I'll need it by the end of the week.

Corrin: Are Setsuna and Hinoka married?  
Setsuna: So that's what the ring was for… I thought it was a late birthday present.  
Hinoka: But you agreed to…  
Setsuna: That's niiiiiiiiceeeee

Peri: Lazzly, what's your favorite blood type?  
Laslow: By that you mean?  
Peri: The best looking AND the best tasting.  
Laslow: I'm working beside a vampire, aren't I?  
Xander: Yes, but a really cute one, I’m sure she would accept a request for a chat and cup of tea.  
Laslow: You're terrible.

Camilla: What is *censored*  
Corrin: sorry sis, can't tell you. NILES!

Niles: who is the purest, most innocent person in the camp?  
Nyx: That rock over there.

Felicia: who is the kindest person in the camp?  
Corrin: Um…  
Silas: Felicia, what's wrong?  
Felicia: Uhhh, I screwed up really bad and I need somebody who will help me and not get mad because I'm a terrible servant.  
Corrin: You're not a terrible servant Felicia.  
Silas: We'll always help you  
Flora: If I didn't know better, I'd think…  
Corrin: you were talking to Niles, weren't you?  
Flora: I was going to say “Two people strangling my sister” but I know that it's just that you two are failing to show affection.  
Corrin: and by that you mean…  
Flora: YOU'VE been talking to Niles

Felicia: Can somebody fix this?  
Jakob: That's… um… a dead lobster. All over the floor  
Felicia: I broke dinner.  
Silas: Yes you did, but I'll help you clean up. Jakob, you are also as red as dinner was supposed to be.  
Jakob: I can't even comprehend this… oh well.

Subaki: is anything up to standard?  
Jakob: You will always be exemplary.  
Niles: Until you die of that sickness of yours.  
Subaki: I SHOULD HAVE BEEN A JAGAN, BUT INSTEAD, AFTER RECOVERING FROM MY WOUNDS, I TURNED INTO A DECENT SOLDIER!  
Jakob: Who could outfight you while dead.  
Takumi: I could take on an ENTIRE army while dead, so get real. AUTHOR'S NOTE: (I'm proud of this)

Azura: Who has the worst father?  
Corrin: Me.  
Leo: Me  
Elise: No, ME!  
Camilla: Mine of course.  
Xander: We have the same father…  
Nina: Me  
Azura: We have a winner. (I love Niles, but he'd be a pretty bad father)  
Corrin: He's not THAT bad.  
Azura: But he's alive.

Elise: Where are more boots?  
Peri: I can kill-  
Kaze: No you can't! Shura will never die to your hands, monster!  
Shura: Calm down.  
Kaze: No.  
Peri: BUT I WANT TO KILL!  
Jakob: I'll take out the trash. Because Peri IS a garbage soldier anyway.  
Kaze: A Ninja, a Butler, and a Bandit Ninja.  
Nina: And a Ninja Ship!  
Kaze: And a FRIEND Ship.  
Rhajat: Don't worry, not for long…  
Kaze: I hate you.  
Nina: I love you.


	2. New update

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally figured out what I can do with updates. Small update, but I wanted to put this out quickly

Nothing to see here ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep... Setsuna is great


	3. Update

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I made an update

I came up with a better idea, I'm going to create a short little Author's note as a new chapter and then edit the first chapter to make it up to date.

So yeah... SHURA AND KAZE IS A SHIP NOW BECAUSE I SAID SO!

**Author's Note:**

> Any feedback is appreciated :)


End file.
